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October 3rd 2020

David_Orr • October 3, 2020
The Light
I was 40 when I finally understood I am God’s little child and things about everything started to make sense. I was grown by physical standards but realizing I was just a baby in the spiritual world was awesomely liberating. I learned that obedience was my only responsibility and God is in charge of running the universe. After my suicide attempt I was trusting in God completely but still flooded with darkness and despairing for LIGHT. “What am I supposed to be: what am I supposed to do: who am I supposed to be with”? Those thoughts still consumed my consciousness and burned all my energy and time. God was patient with me but it did not work well at all. I was still trying to make God fit my plan. I would read God’s Word and be frustrated because I wasn’t getting “My Answers.” My late 30’s were very frustrating because I was digging daily in God’s Word trying to make life make sense. I had been doing the church bulletin since I was 34 and writing articles since I was 35. I did devotionals for training union from age 23: I helped whenever things needed done but I saw fruitlessness. 9/11/2001 shook me to the core and I could not get a handle on anything: God had razed my duplicity. I was trying hard to be the man I thought I was supposed to be but God wanted a Child. Truly, I say to you, whoever does not receive the kingdom of God like a child shall not enter it.” Luke 18:17 ESV The thing I have hated the most about life is the influence of male hormones on my life. I see a monster taking the usefulness my life could be and wasting it on distraction. I have told the LORD repeatedly that I missed being a child because that consuming fire hadn’t been lit then. It is the same anxiety we feel when we are trying to be “THE PILLAR OF THE CHRISTIAN COMMUNITY!” We try to change the world when we aren’t even capable of changing our own weaknesses and thoughts. LIGHT only really dawns in our lives when we figure out God is the GROWN-UP and we are His children. When I finally got that I was God’s little boy I found rest from the responsibility of ruining the world. I am responsible for being obedient and God is responsible for those consequences. Trust

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